Crystal's Stories- One Breech & One 9 lb., 14 oz. Baby
Sunday, August 10, 2008 at 10:29PM Faeryn: 8 lbs., 6 oz.
21 inches long
14 inch head circumference
Footling breech
Hospital
Indigo: 9 lbs., 14 oz.
22 inches long
15 inch head circumference
Home
Mother's height: 5' 7"
How was your pregnancy?
Both pregnancies progressed normally without incident (aside from Faeryn being breech!)
Faeryn's Birth:
The more I live the more I learn that life has a really profound way of teaching us about life. The experiences we are given help to shape who we are, what we believe and how we view things. Each experience is unique and important to our growth, but I feel that there are some that are more growth-full...birth is one of these.
My birthing journey began long before Faeryn was born. My pregnancy started out and progressed like most pregnancies do; some nausea and grossness at the beginning, of course, but otherwise I felt incredible... full of life in all senses of the phrase. My daughter Nova was born at Foothills Hospital, and it was a positive and extremely empowering experience for me. This time, though, I wanted to do it at home, in water, with midwives. We couldn't afford it with Nova, and we really technically couldn't afford it now, but I was hell bent on doing it, no matter what kind of personal sacrifices that meant. The cost ended up not being an issue at all...two months after I found out I was pregnant, my best friend asked me to start babysitting her son because her dayhome provider had not worked out. The money that I made babysitting her son was what paid for our midwives. Interesting how things just work themselves out so much of the time, isn't it? We chose Patty and Jane from Birth Partnership and started to plan for our home waterbirth.
Then 32 weeks rolled around and things changed. I had been mentioning to Patty at my appointment that I thought the baby must have his or her hands near its head because I had been getting some strange (and painful!) jabs in the cervix that radiated down my leg. She palpated my belly and told me that the baby was breech. Somewhere in my head I had already wondered about that but I had dismissed it thinking "Don't be silly! There's no way this baby is breech! Everything is going the way it's supposed to, remember??" . Ok, so the baby is breech, I thought and told people, no biggie! There was still plenty of time for the baby to turn. Nevertheless, I started paying more attention to my posture and how I positioned my body and made changes where necessary to make my belly an environment more conducive to a baby flipping. In addition, I started seeing my chiropractor for Webster's technique on a regular basis . Weeks passed and the baby stayed breech. I started taking a more proactive approach to having the baby flip around...I took homeopathics, did moxibustion, warmed the bottom of my belly, roamed on hands and knees, did the flashlight trick/voice/music trick, had acupuncture, laid upside down on an ironing board. I visualized, and rubbed my belly in circles and just asked this little person to please please turn around. Nothing was successful in flipping the baby. By my 36 week appointment I was feeling anxious but still hopeful. We had our home visit with Jane, and while I was excited...I also felt slightly pessimistic about it all. One of my only fears in labour and childbirth was a cesarean section and it was looking more and more certain that it was going to become a reality. Conversly, one of my biggest desires for birth was a home water birth, and that desire was in serious jeopardy. We talked about my options, what more we could do, discussed the "what ifs". My partner Jesse and I decided we would go ahead and book an appointment for an external version (a procedure where a doctor manually tries to flip the baby from the outside). I was nervous about it, and, quite honestly, terrified of what 'could' happen; there is some risk involved with versions because the baby can go into distress, or the placenta can detach, and then an emergency cesarean is required. But, I was also feeling desperate and willing to try almost anything to save my waterbirth, and more importantly, my vaginal birth. Jane reminded me to stay positive, keep trying, keep asking, to continue to keep the faith.
My version was scheduled for the next week, and I rode a tumultuous rollercoaster of emotions. I grieved the potential loss of my homebirth, worried and what-if'd myself to death. The version day came and went without success...the doctor almost had the baby turned completely around and at the last minute the little booger flipped right back to breech. Left alone in the hospital room afterwards with Jesse, I bawled my face off in devastation. The doctor offered to try again for us in a week and a half and in desperation I agreed. We continued to do all we had been doing to help encourage the baby to turn vertex.
The next week and a half was healing for me on so many levels. Somewhere between the first version and the second my heart and my head came to accept that this baby was probably not going to turn. For reasons unknown to me, this tiny soul inside had decided that this was the best way for him or her to be born, and nothing I was going to do or try was going to change that. After the first version we stayed and talked with Patty for a long time, discussing what options there were. Obviously there was elective cesarean, but I hadn't really realized that the possibility of a vaginal birth still existed. My midwives were willing to help me fight for a vaginal breech birth and I felt so relieved with that knowledge of support. My focus shifted from preparing for a homebirth, to preparing for a breech birth. I surprised myself at my calm, collectedness about it all, considering how totally opposite I had felt just a short time before. I felt completely confident that I could, and would, do this.
39 weeks: Version attempt number two failed. I was not devastated this time like I had been before...I had remained hopeful that it would succeed, but something in the back of my heart told me that it wouldn't. I was okay with that now. I still felt sad about losing my "dream birth", but I felt open and prepared to fight for and succeed at birthing this baby breech. The doctor offered to assess the baby to see how much he or she weighed because, he informed me, there was an upper allowable limit of 3800 grams for a breech vaginal birth. He measured and calculated and came up with 3400 grams, perfect. We decided we would wait for me to go into labour and call around to the hospitals to see if there was an OB on call who would assist a breech birth. Patty asked me if I wanted her to check my cervix, just for interests sake. Curiosity overcame me and I said YES. She checked, and to her and my shock, I was already 3-4cm dilated! Holy crow! It took me many many hours of labour to get to that point with Nova, so I was both surprised and excited to know that my body had already done so much work on its own without my noticing. I had a prenatal photo shoot scheduled with Lynne Alexander for the next afternoon so I said that this baby had to wait til then, but after that I was happy to go into labour!
The next day came and went, my photo session was so fun! After the photos we went to a close friend's house who we eat dinner with at least once a week. I went into labour with Nova there, and it seemed ironic to be going to their place again for dinner when labour seemed so imminent. Around 10pm I started to feel tired and slightly "off"...no contractions or anything, but I felt jittery, I could feel birth hormones starting to surge through my body. I thought to myself "I bet tonight is the night", but didn't say anything to anyone so as not create unnecessary commotion. We headed home and I went to bed shortly after 11pm. I woke up around 1:30am with some discomfort in my lower back...still not contractions, but I could feel my stomach tightening and it was beginning to radiate into my back. I felt wide awake and went to join Jesse in the family room (he had stayed up to play a new video game). Within ten minutes I started contracting mildly, but they were regular and timeable. We busted out the Scrabble board and began to play, but we only got a handful of words onto the board each; half an hour after I had woken up I was having pretty painful contractions that were 50 seconds long and a minute apart. They began to come hard and fast almost out of nowhere and required all of my attention. At 2:30am I paged Jane and told her that things were definitely happening and moving quickly! She told me she would call around to the hospitals and call me back. She said she wasn't going to bother calling the Rockyview, and I agreed with her (the hospital is well known for over managing births and just general staunchness when it comes to procedure and protocol so we figured it probably wasn't even worth trying). It took her 15 minutes to call me back, and in that time the surges became even more powerful and I had started to feel a lot of pressure. Imagine my surprise when I heard Jane's voice say "We're going to Rockyview...Dr Murphy is on til 8am and he's willing to help us. How long will it take you to get there?". I told her 40 minutes; we called my mom to come sit with Nova, phoned my friend and doula Tracey, and flew out of the house. It took us way less than 40 minutes to get there, although the bumpy ride in our '81 Suburban definitely felt much longer than it actually was. We arrived at the hospital at the same time as Jane and were taken by security up the service elevators to the maternity ward (we bumped into two security guards on our way to the doors of the hospital and they took us the fast way up!). My contractions were coming harder and faster and the pressure was blowing me away. It was taking every ounce of my self control to stay on top of them and not push involuntarily. They got an IV started and the Dr came in to check me; 6cm. He had "the discussion" with me...the one I had prepared myself mentally and emotionally for in case they were going to try to scare me out of attempting a breech birth. But instead of it being a struggle, it was surprisingly easy and well received...the doctor was extremely respectful and supportive of our decisions. He did an ultrasound and informed us that not only was the baby breech, but that the foot was presenting first! My heart sank...I thought for sure the next thing out of his mouth would be "We won't do a footling breech". Instead, he looked at my frankly and told me that because my urge to push was so strong and because I was only 6 cm that he really recommended an epidural so I wouldn't involuntarily push and break my bag of waters. He was concerned that if I broke my water before I was fully dilated that the foot would descend prematurely and that could cause issues with cord prolapse. I agreed to the epidural, I figured that this was a “tit for tat” situation…if they were going to do what I wanted them to, I had to cooperate with them on some levels also. The anesthetist came around 4:30am and put my epidural in, by this time I was 8cm dilated. Jesse snuggled up to me for a quick nap, and Tracey, Jane and I chatted while we waited. Dr Murphy came back around 6:30am and checked me again…I was fully dilated with just a small anterior lip. I got up and went to the washroom and took advantage of the squatting time on the toilet to help nudge the rest of that lip away. By 7:20am it was gone and the doctor had me give a small practice push to see how much I could feel through the epidural. As soon as I started pushing the doctor cried “STOP!”; apparently my bag of waters bulged HUGE and he wanted to move me to the OR before the baby was on the perineum. (delivering in the OR was the other concession I had to make, they wanted me there “just in case”). Into the OR and onto the skinny operating table I went. Legs in stirrups, flat on my back. Not the most ideal birthing position in general, and especially not for a breech birth, but I couldn’t feel my legs much at all so I couldn’t squat or stand. The nurse behind me was kind enough to lift me up by my shoulders when I pushed so I had some leverage at least. First push and my water exploded with a massive gush, soaking the doctor and the nurse beside him! Second push and the baby was right on the perineum. I felt very grateful to be able to still feel the baby coming down the birth canal, I was worried that with the epidural I would miss out on that, but I felt it all, just without the pain. The dr asked me if I wanted to know the sex of the baby, but I said no, wait until he or she is born fully (everyone except me at this point was well aware of the gender!). Push three and four and then I felt the baby slide out just as easy as anything. 7:49am, just in time for the doctor to finish his shift at 8am! The baby was plunked onto my chest and I looked for the answer to the question that had been posed a million times when I was pregnant…it’s a GIRL! I was overcome with pride, ecstasy and gratitude. I did it! I really really did it. I thanked the doctor and if I had had more feeling in my legs I probably would have jumped up and kissed him and everyone else in the room. Everyone commented on how big she was and the doctor told us that she was the largest breech he had assisted in a long time. Once we got back to the labour room she was weighed…3805 grams/8lbs 6oz!!! Much larger than the 3400 that had been estimated only a day and a half before. My midwife told me later that she felt that the doctor probably underestimated on purpose, and if that is the case then I am grateful to him for it.
All in all, it was a beautiful, amazing experience. Not the one I had planned for or even dreamt about, but one that was tailored to my growth, my needs and what was best for us all. After Faeryn was born we discovered why she had stayed breech; her cord was slung over her shoulder like a purse strap and because of this it was too short for her to turn vertex. I am humbled by the universe’s ability to teach me about myself and my work in such profound and mysterious ways. It makes me believe even more strongly that we don’t always get what we want in life, but we are always provided with just what we need.
Indigo's Birth:
When I wrote the story of my second daughter’s birth, I wrote it with the knowledge in my mind that she was probably my last child, but with the hope in my heart that I would have at least one more. Apparently that hope won out! I found myself pregnant in October of 2006 and was thrilled. My partner, Jesse, had a different reaction, one of fear and disbelief and he had a hard time throughout my pregnancy accepting that we were having another baby...our third in 4 years. My daughters, Nova and Faeryn, were 3 ½ years and 18 months old at the time.
My pregnancy progressed without a hitch, although I found myself worrying more about things than I had with my last two pregnancies. I chalked it up to the fact that I desperately wanted this baby and a homebirth and anything that felt like it was compromising that (like the very normal cramps in the early months) made me worry a bit. I felt like a bit of a headcase, being concerned about every little thing, and that felt silly because I’m a doula and I *knew* all this stuff, but I just chalked it up to me being a worrywart and tried to push it out of my mind.
As my belly grew, I found myself obsessively checking the baby’s position, ensuring that he or she was head down. This concern was not unfounded, however, as my second child was footling breech. Even though I had had a successful vaginal delivery with her, and I knew my chances of having another breech baby were slim, I couldn’t help but think about it often.
I continued to take doula clients and reveled in it, until about my 6th month when I attended two births that went sideways and I became disheartened. I started to question my desire to continue to be a doula and thoughts of beginning midwifery school began to surface, even though I hadn’t planned on beginning that journey until my children were much older. I rationalized with myself and listed off all the reasons why starting midwifery school was a crazy idea, but in the end I just couldn’t shake the feeling that NOW was the time to start. I applied to the Midwives College of Utah in January 2007 and was accepted in February, classes started in May. I also attended a birth (my last for this pregnancy) in May with my very own midwives and a wonderful woman that only solidified my resolve that now was the right time to begin my own midwifery journey.
Throughout my pregnancy I was asked the ever-popular question, “Do you know what you’re having?”. My answer to that question has always been “A baby”, with a cheeky grin on my face. I didn’t find out with my daughters and I didn’t want to find out with this pregnancy either, much to the dismay of those around us. With my daughters, I had a very clear feeling that they were girls. With this pregnancy, I really wanted to have another girl and so I told others that I thought the baby was a girl, but deep down I knew that I was having a boy. I had several very vivid dreams that the baby was a boy but for some reason I had a hard time accepting that. I look back on it now and wish that I hadn’t downplayed my feelings as much as I did but at the time I just couldn’t say it aloud. I felt that if I did, it would make it more real and I wasn’t ready for that reality yet. I had said once that I always felt that there was another baby girl out there, waiting for me, and I really did feel that way...so if I admitted that I thought this baby was a boy it would, in my mind, discount anything I had felt or said before.
Maybe this is why we had such a hard time picking a name for a boy. Maybe not. Either way, the weeks passed, my belly blossomed, we found a girl’s name we *loved* but could not come up with anything for a boy that we loved as much. I knew I wanted something nature based; tree names especially resonated with me, but Jesse and I couldn’t settle on any one name that really felt right. One name that I kept going back to was Indigo, but I kept crossing it off my mental list because I knew a woman with a son named Indigo and I had decided that I couldn’t use a name that I knew was already used by a friend. For reasons unknown to me, I never actually mentioned Indigo to Jesse. I’m not sure if it was a conscious oversight or an honest lapse in memory but I just never told him. As my 7th and 8th months passed, we decided to just let it be. We knew that a name would materialize at the perfect time if we needed it.
My due date was July 3rd, 2007. My previous births had both occurred before my due date, so I just assumed that that would be so for this birth as well. Silly me, I should have known better than to be cocky about anything pertaining to birth! June came and went and everything was ready for baby’s arrival. I had borrowed a fabulous birth pool called a La Bassine from a friend who had had a beautiful homebirth in it, and I was excited to have that energy surround me while I was in labour. My girls and I eagerly blew it up two weeks before my due date, sure that I would be using it “any day now”. My excitement and anticipation grew with each passing day. People started asking me if I was getting tired of being pregnant or tired of waiting, but my answer was always no. Unlike most women, I love the third trimester. I feel most like a true goddess when I am ripe and round with baby.
Much to my surprise, July 3rd came and went. I had been so sure that I would go in the week before my due date, because that is how it had played out with my daughters, but this wee soul inside me had other plans. I had an appointment the next day with my midwife, Jane. When I got there she asked me if I wanted to stir up some trouble and I decided to go for it. She placed her fingers inside me to rim my cervix a bit and her eyes grew wider and wider. “Oh my...oh MY!”, Jane exclaimed. I laughed and asked her what that was all about and she said that my cervix had just melted open to 4cm beneath her touch. Tonight would most likely be a birth day for me, but I tried not to get overly ramped up about it because I knew that sometimes third babies play labour games and make mamas wait. I went home with my girls and we spent the afternoon playing at the park across the street from our home.
A few hours later I ventured out with my girls again to a chiropractic appointment, where I told Dr Patti about the exciting news. I wasn’t yet feeling crampy or having any signs of labour, but I had a familiar buzzy feeling inside me that told me that labour was not far away. I brushed it off, however, and walked to Planet Organic with my daughters to pick up a couple things before heading home once more.
Around 6pm I started feeling crampy but I ignored the feelings, not wanting to get excited over something that might go away. I kept telling myself that third babies often played tricks and to just wait and see. I fed my daughters dinner and we waited for Daddy to come home. Jesse arrived around 7:30pm, in a truck that I didn’t recognize. I went outside to ask him about it and tell him that I thought tonight might be the night. He told me that the truck belonged to someone from work and that he was supposed to return it the next day. I urged him to return it that night because I was feeling more and more sure that the baby would be arriving tonight. Besides, his work is only a 25 minute drive from our home, it wouldn’t take him long to go there and back. And I wasn’t really in labour yet anyways. He ate some dinner and helped me get the girls to bed, then headed out again to do the truck switcharoo. I decided to call my midwives and other support people to give them a heads up that I thought things were moving along.
Left alone in the quiet of my house, I sat down at my computer and checked my email. I queued up a song on YouTube that a friend’s brother wrote and listened to it over and over and over again. The cramps had started to turn into contractions and I just rode with them...rolling gently on our big silver ball and listening to the beautiful melody of “She Never Knew (She Never Knew)”. My friend Becky popped up on MSN Messenger and I chatted with her briefly, aware of the growing strength and intensity of the feeling in my belly. She asked me how long my contractions were, and how far apart and I had no idea and no clock near me except for the YouTube timer, so I started timing my contractions against the YouTube clock, just for curiosity sake. In the space of about 15 minutes they went from 5 minutes apart and 60 seconds long to 2 minutes apart and 90 seconds long. I started feeling uncomfortable on the ball so I said goodbye to Becky and headed for my couch in the living room.
Once I settled on the couch on all fours, labour started progressing much faster than I had anticipated it would. Suddenly I was having to close my eyes and breathe heavily, rocking back and forth with each powerful contraction. I started to feel panicky, not because things were moving quickly or that I was feeling unsafe, but simply because I didn’t want to be alone anymore. I wanted Jesse’s strong, comforting arms embracing me and to hear the soft, encouraging whispers of the women I had invited to this sacred event. I called Jesse and began to bawl my eyes out, begging him to hurry home. I called my friend Jen, a new doula; my friend KC, a friend in the study group for my midwifery school; Tracy, a friend and fellow doula who had also been with me for Faeryn’s labour and birth; and, finally, my midwives. I was expecting Jane and Nadine to be there, but it was Sharyne who answered, so I knew that it would be Jane and Sharyne. I felt a little sad and disappointed about that, because I had really connected with Nadine throughout my pregnancy, but left it alone for the time being and went back to concentrating on the contractions one at a time, and trying not to cry because I was lonely.
In between contractions I suddenly realized that I hadn’t checked on Nova and Faeryn for a while, so I headed down the hall and found Nova missing from the bed that she and her sister shared. I looked in my room and found her there in my bed, eyes wide open. I whispered to her that I thought tonight was the night that the baby was going to come, and that if she wasn’t tired she could come out and hang out with me. I reminded her that I was going to make some noise and have to concentrate very hard, just like we had talked about. We watched birth videos and talked a lot about labour and birth throughout my pregnancy, so she knew what was happening. She followed me quietly to the living room and watched with wide-eyed wonder.
Jen arrived first, around 9:30pm, and found me on the floor of my living room, with a fan blowing on my back. I was on all fours and rocking back and forth, moaning. She knelt beside me and whispered hello and I barely got a “hi” out before another contraction came. Jane came next, then Jesse, then Sharyne. Tracy slipped in at some point but I’m not sure when...it couldn’t have been too far behind Jen according to my birth pictures! I told Jane that I was sad that Nadine wasn’t going to be there, so Jane paged Nadine and she came along for the birth as well. Now I had a full coven of females to support me and witness the birth of my third child.
I completely lost track of time at this point, everything melded into what felt like one long moment. I guess I was acting pretty serious labour-wise because all of a sudden Jane was asking me if I was pushing as she turned off the fan and started putting a plastic sheet underneath me. I howled and said I wanted the fan on, I was too hot, this was too fast, ohmygod it hurts! Jane asked me if I still wanted to birth in the water and I said YES! I was going to get my waterbirth come hell or high water. I heard Jesse running around, hooking up the hoses to the bathroom sink faucets, trying to get the tub filled up.
When the tub was half-way filled Jane told me I could get in and I hobbled to my room in the back of our home. I slid into the warm water and thought to myself “Ahhh...this is what I’ve been needing all along”. My back was aching but I pushed the thought of a posterior baby out of my head. I remember thinking that I was taking too long, that I should get out of my head, that I just needed to get down to business. It’s near impossible to doula yourself, but I sure tried. I struggled with staying grounded and focused and in the moment for quite a while before I allowed myself to just let go and surrender to the labour. Sometimes too much knowledge and experience in birth can be hard to overcome when it is you who is labouring.
I was vocal before I got into the tub, but became even more so after entering the warm, watery womb. Nova seemed unfazed by my vocalizations, but I ended up waking up Faeryn (who had slept right through all the rest of the commotion thus far) during a particularly intense contraction. She was fine until I had another doozy of a contraction, then she got a little scared, so Jen took her and Nova to their room to draw pictures for the new baby, with the promise of being called back when the baby’s birth was imminent.
Soon after, I started feeling the pressure to push. I pushed for a while but it didn’t feel right yet, so I stopped. Jane had Jesse move in front of me and just sit with me for a few contractions. After a few very strong contractions I felt the baby’s head move down a bit more and the urge to push overwhelmed me. My fingers probed my vagina and I could feel baby’s head and the bulging amniotic sac; slippery, smooth, firm and warm. I pushed again and kept my fingers there and could feel the baby’s head move more and more...turning, wriggling, navigating the bones of my pelvis. Suddenly I felt the bag burst and the head came right down and I exclaimed “My water broke!”. One push later the head was crowning. Oh the burning...I always forget about the burning part of crowning baby heads. I leaned back as the baby’s head rotated; Tracy got a stellar shot of the baby, face up in the water, head cradled in Jesse’s hands, body still inside mine. One more push and the head was out and only a few seconds after that (at 11:26pm) the baby’s hot, sticky body slid out of mine and into the water and Jesse’s hands. We brought the baby up to my chest and he let out one loud wail, as if to say “I’m here!”. Both my girls were instantly glued to the side of the tub and I held the baby’s legs apart to show Nova so she could announce the sex (something she really wanted to do, in addition to cutting the cord). Nova looked for a few seconds and then got shy, but everyone saw and it was confirmed that my dreams were accurate...it was definitely a boy!! An unnamed boy, at that! He was BIG, 9lbs 14oz to be exact, coated in vernix, with a huge 38cm head full of red hair. My girls both jumped into the tub for a hug and a kiss and a closer look at their new baby brother. Their sheer excitement and the love that flowed out of each person in the room that night was so thick it could have been palpated.
The next morning as I lay in bed nursing our newborn son, Jesse looked at me and said “What about Indigo River?”, to which I replied “What about Indigo Skye?”. We looked at our son, and then at each other and knew instantly that it was the perfect name, at the perfect time for our little boy.
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