…or as one of my commenters likes to remind me, it’s actually health INSURANCE reform.
It was a dark and stormy hot and moderately lit night. We were ready to drop the kids at their grandparents’ house for our monthly thrice-yearly date night. The 20 month old was climbing onto a chair at the kitchen table and I turned around to do something at the counter when I was struck with that hypersensitive bolt of mom-lightening.
I spun around to see my baby facing backward on a kitchen chair which had tipped and was falling quickly to the ground. Her fingers which were gripped on the back of the chair didn’t hit the linoleum, but her chin did. I just missed catching her and the chair took most of the impact. The split on her chin made me realize that date night had become mother-daughter Children’s Hospital ER night. I debated taking her in but once we saw the width of the cut and its location right on her chin, we thought it would be prudent to get it checked out and stitched while keeping an eye on her for any lingering reactions to bumping her chin.
Here are the events of the evening:
7:15 pm Arrive. Wait.
10:00 pm Get taken back in ER. Nice resident spends time at the computer getting our info. Insurance-info-collecting-dude comes by and gets that.
10:15 pm Baby falls asleep finally in my arms and nurse dabs her chin with a topical numbing agent.
10:30 Baby settles into a nice deep sleep just in time to get papoosed and stitched. Nurse takes her temperature. Resident injects her chin with xylocaine. Resident shakily administers two stitches to a wailing yet somehow half-asleep baby.
11:15 pm Attending finally arrives to give stamp of approval and we leave.
Check out the bill for those two stitches and one shot of xylocaine. And temperature check.
So to my midwife… the next time someone in my family splits open their skin, I’m showing up on your doorstep. I will give YOU 137 dollars to bust out your birth bag and make two quick stitches. If we have to wait four hours in your foyer, so be it. You can draft a consent form that states that I am aware that _________ (x body part) is not a perineum but I trust you to stitch it anyway.
Or I could teach the family to sew up their own wounds like the guy at the beginning of Sicko. Does anyone have a good preschool self-surgery curriculum?