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"Now you need to get me to surgery"

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Living with a four year old is like living with Robin Williams. Someone is always in character and I’m not always sure if I’m supposed to be in character, too, or if the game has rules or if we’re even playing a game and if you didn’t want me to be a train conductor today, then please don’t get mad if I say “All aboard” like I did yesterday for you.

I rarely write about my kids here because it’s not that kind of blog, but I couldn’t stop laughing at this one. The kids were playing Chimpunk Gives Birth in a Pop-up Tent and the four year old gave birth to the baby chipmunk, who was played by the two year old who had no idea what was going on. Scratch that. I think she does know what’s going on, as I recently realized that just because a toddler is quiet doesn’t mean they’re not absorbing every profane word you say.

I congratulated her on her birth to the 33 pound chipmunk wearing Vans and a diaper.


Kid: Now you need to get me to surgery because I only want to have one baby.

Me: Huh?

Kid: Surgery. So I don’t have more babies. Like for [the cat].


A few months ago, she told me that she wanted the cat to have kittens and I told her that she couldn’t, which prompted question after question about spaying animals. She hasn’t yet realized that I don’t just decide to—poof!—grow a baby and I hope the rest of the reproduction questions can wait until she’s in kindergarten so that anything we tell her will get relayed in a kid-filtered, embarrassing manner straight to her teacher.


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Reader Comments (12)

That's cool... Kids are the strongest little sponges!!

January 10, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterstevie

Totally awesome. I was That Kid who had all the real information about where babies came from when I was in Pre-K through 1st grade...

Random kindergartner: "Hey! Let's play house! First we need to plant a diamond in a cabbage patch so it can turn into our baby."
Me at 5: "Ummm...WHAT?"
RK: "You know, we need to get a baby!"
Me: "Who told you THAT??"
RK: "My mommy and daddy..."
Me: "Oh, NO, girl! Let me tell you what REALLY happens..."

My mom is a quintessentially sassy black woman, too, so the subsequent phone calls from other kids' offended parents would be even funnier.

January 10, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterSabi

You know those kids who are the ones to always say "girls have a vagina and boys have a penis"? Apparently that kid was me. lol

I remember having the book that gave out the detailed (yet sugar coated) information about the "special hug" but showed a picture of a "mommy and daddy" in QUITE a romantic embrace. Showed pictures of sperm and eggs, how an embryo formed into a baby.. All that wonderful stuff. It thrilled me and I would POUR over that book over and over again.
Of course I also grew up raising goats, so I saw the mircle of a baby goat "falling" out of another goat quite often. lol That was the first in the caul baby I saw be born.

January 10, 2010 | Unregistered Commentermommymichael

HA ha ha ha ha ha! Tell her about Essure! It's an outpatient procedure. Of course, if she is a chipmunk...

My five year old son is constantly pretending he is something: a pirate doggie who eats marshmallows, a cat in a storm trooper suit, a baby shark, etc.

I was asking my older son, who's ten, about sex and puberty right before his birthday. I was planning on buying him books and was trying to gauge his knowledge level. He told me he knew all about it, and didn't need any information. I asked him to tell me something that he knew, and he said "When girls get to puberty, that's when their boobies fill up with milk." LOL!

Oh, no, we're turning into mommy bloggers! (Ha, from the woman with "Mom" in her blog name)

January 10, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMomTFH

I was a pure seventies kid...lots of freedom- very little adult supervision! (i'm surprised I didn't make a baby, or do real surgery in a fort somewhere) I was largely misinformed by neighborhood boys about birth and sex and thought babies came out of your shirt and played that game too (not a chipmunk, a stuffed animal,) or I thought they came outta your butt-

here's where I learned my p's and q's:


If I wrote a book it might be titled: Everything I needed to know I learned from School House Rock and After School specials!

This has nothing to do with birth politics, but my daughter looked the cashier square in the face at Stop and Shop and said:
"My mother picks losers for boyfriends." Erin, P. age 4, circa 1991.
p.s I don't even know if I had a boyfriend.

January 10, 2010 | Registered CommenterGeorgina

This kid is really funny about stuff. She would be just fine on a farm and would savor the tasty, tasty bacon even if she watched the process of pig---> her plate. The cat got into a mini-brawl with another cat on the porch one night. The four year old was enthralled, while her sensitive sister began crying and was worried about the cat. They’re so different.

She was an early talker and has always said really bizarre, intuitive things about bodies, birth, blood, brains, bones, muscles… she hearts guts for sure. I’m going to send her to your neck of the words, Auntie MomTFH, so she can shadow you when you start your residency.

I have to confess that I was scared of teaching words for the genital area beyond calling them her “parts” when she was talking at 18 months. It took me a year or more before I realized that I was hanging onto a notion of what is appropriate for small children from my own childhood. Sabi, that is hilarious. As long as you were dishing out correct information, you did them a favor.

January 10, 2010 | Registered CommenterJill

Considering that our 3yo just saw our birth, and has seen more birth videos than most people see in a lifetime, he'll probably be the one informing other kids on the playground! :)

January 10, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterDiana J.

Dr. Amy must have something good to say about this one. Quotes from some study on children and chipmunk birth or something.

January 10, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterRenee

Hehehe. We're all about teaching our toddler the correct words for things. My husband is concerned that she'll get kicked out of daycare for saying penis or clitoris. I've told him she'll only get into trouble for saying things like "motherf***er."

Growing up, I had a copy of "where did I come from." It answered all of my questions, to the point where I never remember asking my parents about babies.

January 11, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterRachel

Renee, children giving birth to chipmunks is INHERENTLY dangerous.

January 11, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterDou-la-la
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