Monday, June 21, 2010 at 4:16PM
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Reader Comments (26)
Wondering if there's a difference between the nesting habits of women who home birth and those who birth elsewhere. I don't remember being this crazy about cleaning with my hospital births.
Just had a prenatal visit today .... got grilled by the couple about statistics at our hospital, intervention rates at our practice. I stood there and found myself telling these people that I fully and completely support them moving to another practice because I could not guarantee to make them safe (from unnecessary intervention). I am thinking it might be time to make the home birth switch I have been considering.
I had my daughter two weeks ago today. I attempted a VBAC, labored for 28 hours, stalled out at 8cm and the OB who works with my midwives insisted on a c-section and I consented. I have been grieving the loss of my VBAC for the past two weeks. I just feel like I was taken advantage of in the position I was in (contractions so bad that my body was pushing against them) and I feel like he had a personal vendetta against me since I refused to meet with him during my pregnancy. After I was stitched up and my husband and doula left the OR this doctor actually stood over me and said "No more VBAC's for you!" as if he was happy about it.
ohhh... nesting... the last 2 weeks of my pregnancy I was super tired but cleaning a looottttt!!!... by the way.. I will be assisting my friend on her hospital natural birth any day now... I was wondering if you all have the c-sec rates of Jackson Memorial Hospital in Miami Fl... any suggestions are welcome.. this will be my first labor as a coach... I am a massage therapist, so I know how to help with pain, and breathing, reflexology, done childbirth and lactation classes... but you all ladies are waaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyy more experienced.. so if you can coach me to coach... send me an email.. miamiquacks@gmail.com... thank you!!!
Nervous about even considering child #3..... I had pre-eclampsia with both my pregnancies, my second we were sent to a high risk doc due to excess amnotic fluid and a large baby. My son was an induction due to a spike in blood pressure, my daughter was a semi-emergency c-sec due to spike in blood pressure (175/125), she was scheduled the next day, at 38wks due to u/s weight estimate of 10lb 11oz, she turned out being 9lb 8oz with a 15 inch head and a tooth!! After that, everything is a blur.... When we left the hospital, she was 8lb 6oz, at her 6 day check, she was 8lb 6oz.....I said something then, but was brushed off...at her 1 month check, she was 8lb 6oz. I about freaked. The doctor checked her bloodwork, a mini panel, and she had high liver enzymes. We were sent to a gastroenterologist. She was 5wks old at her first visit. I figured it would be "well her enzymes aren't really THAT high" and that's what he said, but then came the biggest surprise of all, "I'm extremely concerned about her weight, had you seen any other doctor in the practice you would be being admitted into Scottish Rite right now" *panic* She was tested for all sorts of things......metabolic issues, genetic issues, cystic fibrosis. It was extremely scary. It was a Thursday...I was breast feeding and was told to stop immediately! No more breastmilk. I fought and fought, I pumped for 5 days, but all I was doing was feeding her and pumping....and I have a 3 year old also! Finally I was able to breast feed again...but it didn't work. Nipple confusion..I fought hard for many months and finally succumbed to the pain and agony of her biting (she has a tooth) and her still being hungry after nursing. We saw a lactation consult for many many visits to no avail. It was horrible....I cried because I couldn't even feed my own child and she was HUNGRY. I still get teary-eyed thinking about it. Her weight was in the 2nd percentile, diagnosed failure to thrive and I was scared. She didn't look sick, she was just tiny. She was cleared in late March of this year from her specialist and I'm happy to report at her 1yr check she was in the 50th percentile for weight! I still feel like I missed a ton of her first year worrying despite knowing if there was a problem, there was little I could do about it. They never found a cause for her high liver enzymes, but they have thus far resolved.
Now I've been diagnosed with PCOS (poly cystic ovaries) and am a classic textbook case: overweight, high cholesterol, cysts on ovaries, elevated testosterone. *sigh* Of course, I was told, when first diagnosed 10yrs ago, that I could never have kids *cough...* RIIIGHT! I'm concerned about trying again. I'm on birth control pills to lover my testosterone and was told I'd probably have to see a specialist to get pregnant (right...I was 24wks preg with my first before we found out......and #2 wasn't a problem either) Who knows!!
Just what's on my mind.........
I'm thinking about my sister, who at this very moment is attempting her first VBAC. I'm frustrated because they won't "let" her go past THEIR 41 week date for her and even more frustrated that her husband won't let her tell them to STICK IT.
I'm also thinking about my own upcoming birth and wondering what this 6th birth will be like. Will it be another 10 pounder? Or can I finally have one down in the 8 pound category?
I'm going to really say what's on my mind...
I am very tired of doula's who get so wrapped up in their beliefs that they become as harsh and judgmental as some of the nurse, doctors and medwives out there.
I am tired of being tired and sick..
I feel guilty I haven't finished my "fabulous" blog post that I intended on posted here 3weeks ago!
I feel guilty I haven't wrote a new post for my own blog, or studied from my Doula manual, or read any of my required reading books. I've done plenty of porcelain make sessions, lots of only making as far as my couch and if I didn't have mini laptop I wouldn't make it online at all.
I really truly wish that people would take a few breaths, a step back and THINK before they write something in response to someone who wrote something they don't agree with. Consider what you don't agree with. The actual person, who you more than likely DO NOT KNOW or what they said in particular. More importantly, remember that you can disagree with a point of view with intense hate and anger
I wish I could give my children away until the first trimester is over!
I am scared to death I am going to end up being one of those poor women who actually do not feel better after the 1st trimester.
That's it.
Carolina, that is great! You're on the road to Doulaville. :) Sending good labor vibes to your friend (and to you, too).
Jackson Memorial's rate is 47.7%. 2,637 cesareans out of 5,524 deliveries.
Kelly, congratulations on your birth. I'm sorry you felt cornered by that doctor. It's a pretty weird announcement to proclaim while smiling, as if you never should have tried for a VBAC or something.
Thanks for your comment.
Jill
Patrice, I heart you. I obviously can't help you not barf or nap, but if there's anything you can think of that I can help with, call me.
I just read Mom TFH's new post about leaving an abusive relationship and I am thinking about how so many women suffer in silence, from so many forms of abuse. She is incredibly strong and brave.
@Kelly: I'll be thinking of you as you heal, grieve and bond with your new baby.
@Patrice: Amen, on the being civil to others. I hope you feel better soon.
I am forever grateful that my UBAC was successful and perfect, but forever ticked off that I ended up transferring for a stupid retained placenta. My body had just pushed out a 10 lb 2 oz baby for crying out loud, why not a comparatively small placenta??! That's not how I wanted my last birth to end. It could have been much worse, but I still feel somewhat robbed.
What is on my mind is the amazing way children change our lives and our selves. I guess I thought that over the last 5 years or so I had really learned who I was and what I wanted out of life, and then my little angel girl arrived and now I find myself completely confused about my direction in life. In some ways this is a good thing, I had been very selfish for the past few years and she has brought me back to a more giving state of mind. In some other ways it is confusing because even though I know I have to be able to provide for her, I find myself wishing for a career that would allow me to spend my time with her instead of in the office. I worked so hard to get where I am and now it just isnt enough, how's that for change?
Also, I am thinking about fathers. I was lucky enough to grow up with an amazing father who was always a rock in my life. My daughter's "father" has met her once (last week was the first time) and doesnt even seem to care that she exists. In so many ways I feel like I am to blame for this situation, I made the choice to be with him (even for a short time) and that choice brought her into this situaiton. So this weekend I was really in a funk and thinking about what makes a real father, and I am beginning to see that there are wonderful men in her life already and I shouldnt let biology be such a deciding factor. So I hope everyone payed special attention to the fathers in their lives and let them know they are worth their weight in gold!
Kelly, so sorry your VBAC didn't work out, that stinks that your labor stalled, that was one of my fears. What an a$$ your OB was for saying that. Now I feel bad posting that I had a successful, med free VBAC 9 day ago. My whole team ( Hubby, doula, midwife and even the nurse) were amazing. They were all so supportive and encouraging. I had a 10 lbs 1 oz baby boy. I'll post my birth story soon.
Holly S... I guess is god that I am going to help her... she doesn't speak english, and knows close to nothing about childbirth... the best candidate for an unnecesarean... send us all the good vibes.. I'll post when she is in labor...
sorry for the sp... I am writting with my 2 months old on the left booby... BTW... can you believe that my stepfather in law said yesterday that c-sections are the safest way to have a child???!!!! I wanted to scream... but close my mouth.. so many arguments around the topic already...
Hugs, Kelly. Sending you good thoughts.
Hang in there, Patrice. While I look forward to your post, sometimes just surviving another day is a major accomplishment. Everything else will come.
I submitted my revised doctoral dissertation on Friday. Instead of relaxing and patting myself on the back, I'm obsessing about its flaws. All I can do now is wait and pray and hope the examiners like it well enough.
I am so ready to move into my next phase of life-- I'm already emailing doulas and childbirth ed programs to get that project rolling. Woo hoo!
Thank you to the sun's rays! Happy solstice, you dirty hippies! heh
I've had my first birth advocacy experience!
A little back story: I had my baby a few months ago, but my birth journey really started years ago. I became interested in the pathologization of birth and homebirth before I was pregnant. Before I was sure even I wanted children at all. When I started thinking about becoming pregnant, I began reading everything I could get my hands on about pregnancy and birth, both in the hospital and out of it. I talked to everyone who was willing to share their experience, and watched more youtube videos of birth than I can count. I wanted to find out everything I could, and I became passionate about homebirth/intervention-free birth in the process. You know, the typical birth junkie journey.
I became saddened and frustrated as many of my friends became pregnant and gave birth, and they just didn't seem to care about finding out anything about the birth process. How can someone be so incurious about such a major event? Seriously, it seemed to me like most of my friends knew almost nothing about birth, and they just did. not. care. to find out more about it. I realize it's not really my business, but it's a rather surreal thing to witness. I've seen it happen over and over with people I know. They express a general desire to have a non-medicated birth, avoid c-sections and most other interventions, but then do absolutely NOTHING to work toward acheiving it. Even those friends who knew how high the local c-section rates were, who had a general sense of the ridiculous amount of intervening that goes on in the hospital - still they didn't really go out of their way to learn more about it. And one by one, they would have the typical cascade of interventions, often leading to c-sections, and then be saddened and confused as to how it all happened.
After having my amazing homebirth, I was always open and honest about my experience, and what led me to homebirth, without ever "pushing" myself on other people. If they wanted to know, I told them, but I never went looking for converts. And, as I've said, I found most people just don't seem to want to know.
Several week ago, I was recounting my birth experience to an acquaintance (she asked), including how I'm convinced I would have been a c-section had I been in the hospital. I told her about how I made NO progress for over six hours, how my baby was in a wonky position, and how I needed to move around and change positions to turn her. I told her about how in the hospital, they would have started pushing interventions on me to force my labor to conform to their standards of progress, etc etc. I told her that once I started laboring in the "right" position, I went from 2cm to having my baby in about 45 minutes. I told her how important it was in my case to just be patient, and for me to listen to my body, to be able to move. It really resonated with her, she asked a ton of questions, and she said she would have to talk to one of her friends who was due soon, and tell her about how being patient and changing positions can make a huge difference.
Last week, I was talking to the acquaintance again, and she told me her friend had had her baby, and that what I had said had helped her friend avoid a whole mess of interventions! Her friend was slow to progress, and the doc started calling for pit and talking section. They wouldn't let her get out of bed, wouldn't let her eat - you can imagine all the other restrictions. Acquaintance said friend remembered my story, and told the docs she wanted more time, and to move. FInally, the nursing shift changed, and she got a really supportive nurse, who said she agreed. She got the friend out of bed and moving, and I guess the baby came almost immediately after that.
I'm so happy for this woman (whom I've never met, I don't even know her name!), I'm so happy she avoided unwanted and unnecessary interventions. I'm so happy her baby had the benefit of a peaceful, low intervention birth. I'm so thankful for supportive nurses. And I'll admit, I got a rush from knowing that I helped someone in some small way.
But, please, someone explain to me how so many people seem to care so little about arming themselves with knowledge. Is it because women see the popular culture depiction of birth and think they know all there is to know? Is it because of the cultural expectations that the doctors know everything and will take care of everything, so they don't need to worry about it? Is it that they view birth as so completely and wholly in the purview of medical professionals, and is therefore beyond their ken? Is it because it never occurs to people that there are other options? Is it fear? I'm sincerely looking for understanding on this.
I have a birth anecdote from my best friend's wedding which I was in this weekend! The best man, in his toast, said that he was born a month early and his cousin (the groom) was born a month late. Of course I assumed he was joking, but when I asked the groom about it later, he said it really was a 10 month pregnancy and 'they didn't induce' back then (this would have been 1978 or so). He was 10 lbs something and far bigger than his earlier sisters (and his mom is itsy bitsy). I asked if he had long fingernails and he said yes, he finally just clawed his way out. Good thing his mom, at the next table, has a sense of humor.
Are there really cases on the books of babies who are that overdue?
LilRedMommy-- you are so right, we can never ever anticipate what a kid will do to our lives and hearts. Sounds like you are an amazing mom to your little girl. :)
Liv, that is great! Goes to show how it is important to tell our stories... and when someone is ready and open and needs to really hear it, they will. I did once have a newly pregnant friend laughing and asking nervously about 'well, is it true that childbirth is the worst pain ever?' and I just gently told her, 'well, you might want to read some stuff on natural birth...' months after her baby was born (she had one of those crazy fast labors, probably no time for drugs even if she'd wanted them) she thanked me profusely. That one little suggestion was the push she needed to check out some other reading material and see another side of the birth story in our culture.
Like you, I am also baffled how some women just don't want to learn a thing about birth. I know the Midwife Next Door / Birth Sense has written a little from the other side, how she handles patients who just want to turn the whole experience over to her and have her decide everything. I am sure it has a lot to do with our culture of "birth is the most painful horrible thing in the world, women die in childbirth, I have a doc who went to school for 10 years and has seen 1000 births, I will just read 'what to expect' and watch 'a baby story' a few times and I'm good. la la la, should I paint the nursery lavender?' It is hard, but I guess we just have to remember that 'when the student is ready, the teacher will come.' I have a friend who I'm convinced will end up with an unnecesarean next month. I gave her 'your best birth' and her husband 'the birth partner' and recommended a childbirth class w/ my doula (which they took!). Apparently her doc gave her the thoughtful analysis on epidural of 'well, you wouldn't get a root canal w/o anesthesia, would you?" and she thought that made a lot of sense. GAH!