I Support Natural Childbirth... and I'm Planning a Cesarean
Tuesday, March 22, 2011 at 9:13AM
Guest post by K
I am not normal.
I don’t know if it’s something about my DNA, my destiny, or just a stubborn and persistent abhorrence of being called “typical”, but I can confidently say that my reproductive history has a delightful track record of bucking the norm. That film we saw in fourth grade, and the box of maxi-pads they sent home with us? It was another six years before I ever needed to draw on that complimentary supply of data and napkins.
The training bras I stashed in the back of my closet in grade school? Put to better use as cleaning rags for the same period of time.
I have never been normal.
Oh, don’t get me wrong. Early in my first pregnancy I was diagnosed with a heart-shaped uterus and told I might never carry to term (POINT! – awarded to the reproductive system!). But the miscarriage that sometimes happens with a first pregnancy? That didn’t pass me by.
Pregnant a second time, I had visions of my belly swelling out grotesquely to one side of my body (since the pregnancy was in the ‘right’ side, as they told me). Thankfully, that didn’t happen.
The other thing that didn’t happen was the early labor, long walk in the mountains with my beloved. Pausing to lean against his mighty embrace with each contraction. At least, that’s what I expected after the video we saw in childbirth preparation class. Instead, my body – overachiever it is – had to one-up me by starting contractions 6 minutes apart. [POINT! Reproductive system!]
After 22 hours of labor, and a baby who basically peeked her little head out, waved, winked and darted back inside, the unplanned c-section was a blessing and a relief. My daughter arrived wailing, healthy and happy. And all was right in the world.
My c-section recovery was a breeze and I never regretted that it happened.
By the time I was in my third pregnancy, I adopted the attitude of “Be ready for anything.” Yeah, right.
My second child came screaming into our lives and ran headfirst into a shut door. Well, kind of. The exact terms would be “precipitous birth” and “shoulder dystocia”. Other terms that accompanied her “firemen in my bathroom”, “ambulance-riding”, “our doula will never get here in time” birth included “retained placenta” and “manual removal”.
And when the quiet, purple baby girl was carried away from me and put on a table to be slowly pinked up…
I didn’t care.
Something in me was torn apart, and I’m not just talking about my crotch.
My VBAC was terrifying, and the recovery was incredibly long and agonizing. I looked back at the c-section with envy.
I’ve never looked at my baby girl with resentment because of our birth experience, but I’ve sometimes looked at her with sorrow because we had such a rough introduction. (Okay, peeing my pants when I laugh also reminds me of her birth, but you didn’t want to know that, did you?)
Just like my unpredictable reproductive cycle, motherhood has been equally surprising—and rewarding.
I am educated. I am informed. I believe in and support natural birth.
I am also planning a c-section.
When I tell you that yes, I am planning a natural, woman-centered caesarean section to welcome our third child this summer, I say it with hope. Hope for reclaiming a sense of peace, comfort, and trust with my body. Hope for something that heals the exhaustion and terror of the other two births
Hope that you will recognize me as a capable, intelligent, and informed woman
A woman with the right to choose how and where she gives birth, just like the woman who chooses a midwife and delivery at a birth center. Just like the woman who chooses a natural birth, with no medication. Or the one who gives birth in a tub, in her living room
I am just like them, because I have made this choice for myself and my baby. And even though this birth will most likely NOT include a walk on the mountain, I’m quite positive that the experience will be just as spectacular.
I will have my mountain.
More reading:
Planning a Family-Centered Cesarean (PDF)
Reader Comments (152)
I also appreciate the thoughtful discussion on both sides. I know it isn't clear cut for me. I can't fully embrace the "empowered elective cesarean" in this case because then I wonder if I must embrace it when the mother in question is instead an informed FTM who places a high priority on maintaining a honeymoon vagina.
You're right that a c-section is your choice... one that you can make if you so choose. However, c-section and natural cannot be used in the same sentence unless you say, "A c-section is far from natural."
I would also beg to differ that you are informed. No, you are fearful and your decision is fear based but your decision nonetheless.
And the way you birth is not the same as women who birth in a tub in their living rooms or push their babies out anywhere else vaginally because they are not bypassing their body's own mechanisms of birthing just to alleviate that fear.
Your planned c-section with no reason other than to bypass natural labor and birth is more dangerous for you and your child than a natural birth but you're informed. So you know that. If you're happy with your plans, you don't need to justify them to anyone else.
Oh, Jill... you certainly are pulling back the curtain on unnecessary cesareans with this one.
I had two babies almost 40 years ago. I took the natural childbirth classes and never expected a problem, I certainly "believed" I would have the first baby as planned, csections were much less common then. I am a small person and when they said my over 10 pound baby could not be born vaginally I never thought to question. When I had my second 20 months later they said there could be problems if I delivered vaginally with less than 2 years between births, I thought "fine". I had two easy csection, no complications for me or either baby.
What strikes me as I read the comments is that although I had fewer choices back then, I also would have been shocked if anyone had criticized me or questioned my way of giving birth. When a woman thoughtfully discusses her options with her doctor, and comes to her own decision it strikes me as wrong and almost bizarre that other women would criticize rather than support a fellow traveller in the birth process. As I have seen feminism progress over the years I have been glad to see much less criticism and much more support for different lifestyles and, as many of the very supportive people who commented above demonstrate, for different ways of giving birth. The older I get the more loosely I hold my beliefs, hopefully allowing those around me more freedom to find their own way.
There you go, Jill, stirring the pot again, you pot stirrer. ;)
I think necessary is a relative term for different people. Emotional and psychological reasons are just as valid as physical reasons for making the c-section decision. Kim, good for you for knowing what was right for you and having the courage to make that choice. No one should be bullied into making any particular birth decision. We should all have all of the options available to us and should be able to choose which is the right option for ourselves. I'm glad you have that option, and I'm glad that there are obstetricians who are willing to give you a less abrupt surgical manner of bringing your baby into the world.
The judgment/controversy arises because this is The Unnecesarean blog, and to some of us, this particular birth feels like an unnecesarean that is being promoted as a very positive thing by The Unnecesarean. If it isn't an unnecesarean, then maybe using the same logic, there is no such thing as an unnecesarean as long as the mother is informed and OK with having a cesarean? Any reason for a cesarean is good enough? No one should discourage a woman from having a cesarean? I just don't know. I'm all for empowered birth, but I thought we were empowering women to trust in their bodies and abilities and for minimizing cesareans unless medically needed.
THANK YOU, KK. You summed it all up beautifully.
And kudos to you, too Sesasha. Yes, you would think that a website that calls itself "The Unnecessarian" would be taking a different stand on this one. It's very confusing, and you're right, where do we draw the line? Besides, we are throwing this "informed" word around, but we really have no idea how informed she really is. What reading has she done? Has her doctor gone over the real risks of repeat c-section? Does she truly understand the risks to herself, and also to her baby? This is where it becomes quite fuzzy. My confusion over the argument arises because her situation does seem to be classified as an "unnecessarian", and yet everyone is patting her on the back for being so empowered and informed. I DON'T GET IT!!!
Trisha:
Okay, as Jill asked before, then, how do we define "informed"? Who defines it?
We can't always look for logic in human behavior. I was informed based on past experience that if I ate that brownie, I'd feel like crap and regret it, but I still ate it. It wasn't even that good. People smoke, eat at McDonald's, don't work out, etc etc etc even if they know it's a bad idea.
I know that birth decisions are more significant than these examples, but you see what I mean. Humans are complex and frequently don't make sense to anyone other than themselves.
Kim may very well have the collected works of Ina May, Robbie Floyd Davis, Jennifer Block, Michel Odent, etc memorized and still believe, "This is the right choice for me." It doesn't need to make sense to the rest of us. She experienced her first two births as exhausting and horrifying. Of course that is going to impact her future decision-making.
I also agree with KK's summary of why this is hitting a major nerve. I feel confused and conflicted myself-- between wanting to support an individual woman and wanting to support a philosophy of birth. It's not easy. Thanks for making me think, Jill, damnit.
Another layer to this, I think, is that we all wish it were a perfect world that Kim was making this choice in. In a perfect world, we wouldn't equate 'not normal' with differences, women would be celebrated and honored for what our bodies can do, we'd grow up familiar with normal birth, precipitous birth wouldn't necessarily be scary, we could all afford and want to do years of therapy to work out our issues, etc etc etc. Right? But none of us lives there. We're bumbling along best we can.
Kim, thanks for offering your story up for scrutiny and discussion. I wish you all the best!