So I got an epidural for my VBAC. Get over it.
Thursday, June 2, 2011 at 9:45AM
Guest post by Andrea Owen
I love passionate people. I love when people take whatever makes them want to shout out from a mountain the thing that makes them sound like a preacher at a Baptist church. They can rant, or write about it and people shout out, “AMEN!!”
What I also love is VBAC. I love hearing about VBAC, reading about VBAC, telling my VBAC story, educating people about VBAC and anything that has to do with VBAC.
In 2009, after I had my daughter via VBAC, The Unnecesarean was nice enough to post my birth story to her Facebook page. In efforts to give people hope that a hospital VBAC is possible, even at hospitals with higher than normal cesarean rates (the hospital I had my daughter in had a 41% cesarean rate in 2008). As the comments came in, most were warm, supportive and comforting.
And then came the not-so-supportive.
While I can’t remember the exact words, but a couple of women commented on the fact that I had opted for an epidural (gasp!). Yes, the “E” word. I do remember one saying, “I don’t like how she was told when to push” and mostly how I, at 7 centimeters dilated, had opted for pain relief. I very much remember walking away from the computer feeling one very distinct thought:
I had done it ALL WRONG.
Forget the fact that I had fought tooth and nail against my OB to have a repeat cesarean. Forget the fact that I had spent time meditating and listening to my body and maternal instincts telling me, my body and baby were healthy enough to have a successful VBAC. Forget the fact that I had to trust myself enough to go against my OB’s “recommendation” when he had 25+ years of experience. I had chosen to get the epidural and
I had done it ALL WRONG.
Or so I was made to feel. Now, I get that the way I felt was all my own shit, and that no one can make me feel any sort of way unless I let them. But, here’s where I get to the meat (yep, that was just potatoes, y’all).
In the past couple of years since I’ve become passionate about birth, VBAC and women’s choices in birth and parenting, what I’ve come to realize is the radical thinking and opinions of many mothers when it comes to VBAC. And yes, I know who I’m writing for; The Unnecesearean is a blog dedicated to the education and support of VBAC and ending unnecessary and unwanted cesareans. Every post on here is opinionated and in my opinion, serving the greater good. What gets my panties in a bunch are the mothers who think that natural birth is the only way. And again, I get it. I own a copy of “The Business of Being Born” and even got a little star struck when I met Ricki Lake and took a picture with her like a giddy little girl. I believe natural birth is what we were made for.
But, you guys, we have SO FAR to go when it comes to VBAC. Just last week I was having dinner with some girlfriends and two of them didn’t know that a vaginal birth after cesarean was even allowed. So, my big, meaty point is can we please just support each other in VBAC no matter what? So few women are “allowed” a trial of labor that the preparation for both a natural birth as well as trying to prepare for the possibility of another cesarean can be so overwhelming. If a VBAC mother opts for the epidural, my God, she had a freakin’ VBAC!
I think it’s fine to educate those who want a VBAC and give credible resources on epidural during VBAC. But, at the end of the day, I’d much rather see a woman who got her vaginal birth with an epidural than one who was so afraid of going natural that opted for an unwanted repeat c-section.
As women, we are still fighting for so much. There is so much pressure on us to be so many things and to do all of it perfectly. (Don’t even get me started on how we’re supposed to “get our bodies back”). When it comes to VBAC, can we all just get along and agree that a VBAC is a VBAC? Like I said before, I think it’s great that women are passionate about things like birth, natural birth and attachment parenting, but let’s leave the ferocity for unnecessary cesareans or hospital VBAC bans.
And while we’re at it, how about we start with the assumption that women are fully capable of making autonomous decisions about their own bodies and medical care? Especially when it comes to VBAC, let’s assume women are educated about birth and the decision to have a vaginal birth after cesarean. Being hostile or judgmental about a VBAC’er getting an epidural is like complaining about a piece of trash you might find on the ground at the Sistine Chapel.
Let’s put the guns down and stop fighting each other in terms of natural birth and VBAC. Support VBAC no matter if the mother gets the epidural or not.
Andrea Owen is a speaker and Certified Life Coach. She is passionate about helping women empower themselves to live their own kick-ass life. You can read more about her at www.yourkickasslife.com and find her on Facebook at www.facebook.com/yourkickasslife.
Reader Comments (96)
Thank you. I think we forget that what we are fighting for is choice and education. You should be able to choose whatever feels right to you once you have been educated, period.
Amen! :)
Dawn, I agree with you. I also think it's pretty common to hear people dismiss the decision-making process of someone else as indicative of lack of education if it's different than their own.
THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU for writing this. I had 2 unsuccessful hospital VBAC attempts. With my last I did everything right. Had a doula, chiropractic care for good baby position, labored at home as long as possible, etc. Being "allowed" to attempt the VBA2C was a battle in itself and a very emotional one at that. In the end, like with my previous VBAC attempt, my 9 lb 15 oz baby just would not descend all the way and I had a repeat cesarean. I wanted to share my story so much, because I was proud of what I tried to do and wanted to give support to other VBAC hopefuls even though it didn't work out for me.
The only thing that stopped me? I had an epidural. I've seen other women attack each other for this online and I knew I could not take the criticism of blaming my epidural for the VBAC not happening. I did the best I could, but I knew that wouldn't matter. Nor would the fact that I continued to change positions and move around after the epidural.
I am passionate about VBAC and VBA2C is especially close to my heart. I hope your article will help to foster an environment of support among VBAC crusaders!
Andrea,
Thank you so much for this. I have to say that with my own birth story, had I gotten the epidural, I probably wouldn't have had to have the c-section. I labored a long time and pushed for many hours, with my daughter getting stuck because she was posterior. Had I had the epidural I could have been confortable enough to try different positions to try to turn her. Instead I ended up with a c-section and post traumatic stress disorder from the immense pain and having that birth "taken" from me. Needless to say, I have healed enough to know that my next will be an attempt at a VBAC, but I WILL be getting the epidural. Women need to realize that every mom's birth is different and everyone feels a different level of pain, mine ended up being very extreme. Women need to learn to be supportive of other mom's, instead of bringing them down for their choices! Makes me so mad! I attempted the all "natural" birth, and it has left me wanting to forget that day. Next time I will be going with my gut and doing what's best for ny baby and myself. Thanks again for this and congratulations on your beautiful VBAC and baby!
Nail on the head!! I fought for a VBAC, got my wish, my very educated, well-thought out wish, then ended up with a uterine and bladder rupture. I get "beat up" for choosing my VBAC too.
Reminds me of my friend who claimed a cookbook I loaned him wasn't "truly" vegetarian because some of the recipes said that frozen veggies were ok.
Thank you Andrea. You are perfectly right. There is no ONE right way to give birth, there is only the right way for YOU to give birth. You deserve credit for going up against the establishment and getting your VBAC. Pain control is a very individual issue and it is simply not fair for someone to jump on you for getting an epidural. I would rather take AROM, Pitocin and an epidural than to have a repeat cesarean. But I would choose cesarean if that was the right decision for me. I'm an educated woman, I should not have to, although I may choose to, explain my reasoning to others. Let's be all be reasonable and understand that just because you didn't have an orgasmic water birth HBAC doesn't mean you didn't accomplish something wonderful and something I wince to even say "rare" in modern America. How about some show of support rather than Monday morning quarterbacking?
You're right, we need to support VBAC, no matter what. However, most women who follow this blog know that epidurals lead to unnecessary caesarians. When I hear your story, I think, "My goodness, you were lucky that all that fight to get your VBAC didn't blow up in your face when you got your epidural." I think about how I'd go about getting my VBAC and that I wouldn't for the world make a CHOICE that would dramatically increase my chances for a repeat c/s. I feel like I just witnessed a near miss. My anxiety level rose and I want to take you by the shoulders and say, "You made it through, but what were you thinking?!"
You don't need to answer that, but I imagine that is why some of us were up in arms. We were shocked by your decision given your fight to get a VBAC and we were motivated by our own physical response. I think about how it would feel to work so hard to get a VBAC and then fail because of something that is completely my choice. I would be double devastated.
Taking the liberty here since I know Andrea to say from the get-go that I don't believe that she is privileging a certain way of giving birth. Looking at this in context and with awareness of how hard it has become to get a vaginal birth, especially a vaginal birth after a previous cesarean, in U.S. hospitals, the fight to give birth in the manner of her choosing is what is being privileged (if anything). Ultimately (or rather, ideally), the unifying factor is receiving patient-centered, preference-sensitive care that allows for autonomous decision-making based on appropriate information on risks and benefits in an environment that supports the woman in choosing how she gives birth.
Rock on, Andrea.
[Between this and the nitrous drama, some people just don't miss a chance to freak the holy fuck out. Dan Savage was right, people just LOVE to be offended and will happily create it out of thin air.]
Thank you so much for sharing this! If you can believe it, the criticism gets even more nitpicky and intense than what you experienced. I remember when Abby Epstein posted on MBB about her VBAC -- which took a really long time and involved some unusual bleeding and passing clots IIRC -- and people were all over her because she was scared. Worse, she was sort of like "meh, VBAC was okay, it wasn't all choirs of angels." Blaspheme!
I just about blew a gasket, it's like the totally unreasonable expectations of mothering extend to pregnancy too -- you must be aware of and avoid all toxins and hazards, always put your child first even at great risk to yourself, never think of your own sanity, much less wellbeing or comfort, and if you have so much as a psychic hiccup, you ARE DOING IT WRONG AND MAY AS WELL LEAVE YOUR BABY TO THE DINGOES ALREADY.
Anyway, haters gonna hate. Congrats on your VBAC and thanks for not writing off the birthing advocacy community altogether.
Poppy, you've had experience with this, haven't you? Everyone loved your "surprise VBAC story" (which I have to say is partly because of how you wrote it... it's a good story, period) last year. I triple-like it because of the people involved in but not mentioned online in the story. But how bizarre to think that if you had made it to the hospital and had the c-section that the same people would probably be cranky. Ironically, that was the chosen decision and the VBAC was out of your control, so I guess the applause was for fate, God, hormones, involuntary uterine contractions, etc.
The court of public opinion is fickle.
Andrea,
ROCK ON SISTER!!! I also had an epidural (at the last possible moment at 8cm) and was afraid to put my VBAC story out there for the public because of that. We waited a while to get that relief (I dont know about you, but I was 30 hours in and exhausted) and I think that as long as we are aware of the risk it is a valid choice. From what I was told it is usually only getting an epidural early in labor that causes issues, and in my case I knew I would not make it through pushing if I could not rest and get some strength back. I made them turn it way down during pushing, so I could feel the urge and feel her moving down, and I am honestly glad I had the option available. I got a nice nap, and had the strength to push (for almost 2 hours) and I dont think it should be anyone's business what my choices are as long as I know they were right for me and my baby.
<3 this post!
Amen Sister!!! Thank you so much for writing that!! I was lucky enough to have a successful VBAC. The important thing is not how woman get there, but that they get there!!!!
Totally agree! I think those who posted the critical comments are missing the big picture. The whole purpose of sites like the Unnecesarean is to defend and support women's right to make informed choices about their own births, regardless of whether those decisions are "natural" or "medicalized". You made an informed choice entirely on your own and you should be applauded for it. Good for you for standing up for yourself! And congratulations on your beautiful baby!
I have seen this in the comment sections of so many issues that are important to me. Places where battles are being fought for safety, equality, fairness, openness in politics, women's issues, women's rights. Everyone fighting everyone. We as women and especially women willing to buck the "system", whatever that system is, need to support and care for each other. We do it best. We can hand hold, hug, write words of compassion, love, and support like no one else can. And yet we choose to use comment area's to uphold our own private agenda's against the greater good. It has been going on in women's movements of all kinds since the beginning of the concept. Please (and now I am pleading) have some compassion. Let's quit fighting with each other. There is so much out in the world that fights against us, from the very beginning, for being girls and women with brains and opinions and questions. If you can't support someone, don't comment. Go somewhere else to comment. Andrea worked hard, fought well, and won in so many ways. Hear that part of the story. Attacking someone for one part of the story is like throwing out the baby with the bath water (ok if that doesn't age me nothing will).. Birth is tough, parenting is tough, being female is tough, let's find a way to agree, to compromise, to find the bigger picture, the greater good - especially in a story of personal success. To come together and support one another and maybe, some day, we will win the culture war. With congress breathing down our backs and trying to push us back centuries we need each other more than ever (if that is possible). Thank you for sharing your most personal story Andrea and then for having the courage to come back and tell us how the comments felt, how deeply hurting they can be to an author. You are an inspiration and congratulations on your daughter. She is lucky to have you as her mother. And she is beautiful..
Thank you for this.
I had a VBAC in 2009 as well. I was induced and had the epidural.... Yikes. Talk about feeling like I did it all wrong! The induction because I was 12 days past due and my OB was *adamant* that we proceed; the epidural because I was practically nailed to the bed with wires and monitors and could not cope with the pain in the ways I felt I needed to (after five hours of off the chart contractions, only dilating to 3 - I was not relaxed, obviously, because once I had the "E-word" I sprang to a 10 in one hour).
Anyway, all that to say, I felt like, "Yay, I had my VBAC.... but I can do better. I still didn't have my 100% natural birth...." And I still feel that way, even now at times.
So, thank you for your encouragement and non-judgment. Thank you for reminding me that I accomplished something pretty darn cool regardless of certain interventions that we elicited.
I feel like this goes for all births. I'm pregnant with my first and am getting heat from friends about being 'open' to an epidural. I know all my options and have done extensive research and had many chats with my providers. And honestly, I like the idea of having an epidural in my toolbox if I need it.
And this is where Andrea nails it..."Forget the fact that I had spent time meditating and listening to my body and maternal instincts telling me..."
The key is being educated and empowered and making the best decision for you and your family. Isn't that what we should be fighting for?
Yes! This! I am one of the biggest supporters for natural birth you'll ever meet BUT you'll never, EVER see me criticizing another woman's informed choice to do what is right for her in that moment. Yes, epidurals are overused and the risks usually bypassed, but they are still a legitimate and valid choice. The most important thing is that women are informed of their birth options and supported in the birth they desire.