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"I Plan to Let the Koi Guide Him Up to Me"

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By Emjaybee


And now: Koi-assisted birth.

“I hope you have told the fish your plans. I am sure that they are so attuned to you that they already know about your pregnancy and birth, but it would be wrong to surprise such sensitive creatures. Perhaps you could talk to them and show them diagrams of what will happen.”






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Reader Comments (12)

I love that you posted this. We were laughing about this earlier in the week. The comments are great.

Look for new KBAC toolkit for providers and consumers in the next few weeks. Fact: The koi tend to nibble on scars and there are some precautions that need to be taken.

June 29, 2011 | Registered CommenterJill

Wow, and I was just reading about the wide range of normal in labor and birth. My book didn't mention koi, though. Just boring stuff like five-hour pushing stages.

June 29, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJulie

You know, the bummer about this site and Mama Tao, etc., is that I wish it were just humor for the sake of being funny or written by someone who is poking fun at themselves. Instead it all seems to come from a camp that has their judgy mcjudgy pants on while claiming to be sensible and middle-of-the-road.

That being said, koi birth + a fish pedicure at the same time = super savings.

June 29, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterFoxyKate

Right, FoxyKate? Because you can't reach your feet at term anyway.

June 29, 2011 | Registered CommenterJill

@FoxyKate. I think I may know the women who wrote this and believe you me.... they are natural birth advocates just having a little fun! :)

June 29, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterShanon

You know who wrote it? Give them a high five. Funny shit.

June 29, 2011 | Registered CommenterJill

Really no way to tell if koi birth is safe without a Poisson distribution.

(Did I recycle a joke I made elsewhere? Oh yes I did.)

June 29, 2011 | Registered CommenterJill

The comments are priceless, like this one:

"Sounds like the chemicals you are adding will have you covered on the chance that you are group B strep positive? How will your midwife estimate blood loss if the water is purple? also, can the koi take care of the placenta, or are they vegetarians?"

June 29, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterKK

KK, that comment raises some important questions. I think the obvious answer to the placenta issue is to add piranhas to the tank once the family is out. The clear sides of the tank will give them the chance to video the placenta-koi massacre/clean-up and it will be YouTube gold.

June 29, 2011 | Registered CommenterJill

I loved this! And the comments are amazing between the people who get it, the appalled people who don't get it, and the UCers going after the appalled people...

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