Whenever an article comes out about childbirth simulator dolls, it is inevitably followed by comments that they are obviously part of a plot by Big Pharma Vagina to teach every med student that birth must occur in the lithotomy position. I’m not going to pretend that seeing all of the birth simulators displayed on their backs in the exhibit hall at the ACOG Annual Clinical Meeting didn’t drive me a little nuts, and sure, I was thinking about sneaking in a setting a few up in a squat or standing with one foot up on a chair.
I told the folks at the Laerdal exhibit about how some folks tend to get cranky about the non-issue and asked what all SimMom can do.
And they got her off her back.
This is a heavy, cumbersome simulator that took several people to flip over, but they were excited to show me SimMom laboring on elbows and knees.
(Please note that the other vendors in the background were giggling, reinforcing the need for what should be a pretty common sense practice of not sending immature turds to staff a booth at a gynecologists’ convention.)
She can sit in a chair and could squat with support, but the thing to keep in mind is that this is a big, floppy, heavy doll that ranks pretty high on the International Creepy Doll Scale (that I invented and use to achieve some semblance of mental control over my world by organizing which dolls are most likely to eat my face off in the middle of the night). Plus, as one woman pointed out, “It’s kind of hard to flip her with all of the cords and wires.” Since that’s such a pain in the ass in the hospital, too, it only added to the realism. The newborn doll is weighted so accurately that I said aloud while giving it back to the woman at the booth, “I know this is just a doll but I can’t not support its head.”
Congrats to SimMom, who has just had her baby.
Best line from a passerby: “Oh, good! She finally had that baby! Poor thing has been in labor for three days.”
So that’s the story of SimMom, who was left to labor on her back for three days at an OB-GYN convention, was encouraged to change positions and plopped out a baby.