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My Kind of Birth Plan


This is based on a conversation after a recent conference, but I’m not saying which one.

We were talking about how long birth plans all look the same after awhile and contain some requests to not perform procedures that haven’t been routine for a long, long time. 

The consensus was that someone with a good sense of humor could crack their doctor up if they slipped this into their chart when she or he wasn’t looking:

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Reader Comments (8)

Love it! I think most the outdated stuff is due to the "check-box" online birth plans. I want an epidural + water birth + low lights + elective cesarean. Check!

June 17, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterRixa

"I want sage burning in a smudge pot."
Midwife/nurse/physician: "Well, the hospital has safety rules about things not being on fire, because of the use of flammable gases."
"Can't you just turn off the oxygen supply to my room?"

June 17, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterjust sayin

@just sayin - Ha ha ha! No way! Did that really happen?

@Rixa -

_x_ I do not want to be offered pain medication.
_x_ Please offer me pain medication.

June 17, 2012 | Registered CommenterJill

I would like to bring my feminist shaman, please.

June 17, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterDoubleShot Enemato

DoubleShot, however you choose to clear the space is really fine by me.

June 17, 2012 | Registered CommenterJill

@Jill: cross my heart and hope to die. We held the line on open flames but did let her put up a tipi. Point of clarification: white girl from suburban Philadelphia.

June 17, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterjust sayin

@just sayin - As if you really needed to clarify that. Did you enjoy the organic peyote?

June 17, 2012 | Registered CommenterJill

That made me guffaw.

June 22, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterAnother Rachel
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